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[personal profile] squirrellysemantics
Title:  Child's Play
Chapter 7
Rating R for this chapter, up to NC 17 for previous chapters
Fandoms: Assassin's Creed 2, 11th Doctor from Doctor Who
Pairings: Leonardo/Ezio, Shaun/Desmond
Warnings: Slash, silliness
I do not own any of these characters.

Summary: Leonardo da Vinci receives a visit from an old friend.

Should be read in order to make any sense.  Still might not help. Past Chapters: Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6

Feedback gratefully appreciated.   Sorry the chapter ends in a silly place but it was getting hideously long.



Desmond scanned the buildings surrounding them, wind blasting through the alleyway behind Abstergo to tear at his clothes.

“This lets the Templars see us from afar?” Ezio asked, subtly adjusting the angle of a security camera away from the entrance they planned on entering. 

“Yeah,” Desmond answered as he leaned in, checking the other man’s work by peering over his shoulder. “Sort of like a telescope… buuut you wouldn’t know what a telescope is either, would you?” he added with no small embarrassment at Ezio’s puzzled frown. 

“It wouldn’t be the first thing that bewilders me about this future…” The older assassin opened up fully with a beleaguered smile.   “But I cannot let that stop me.”  With that, Ezio was off with hardly a sound, eagle vision highlighting the next hidden camera he needed to modify.

Desmond wiped his hands clean on his jeans, unable to take his eyes off the man.  All of this must have seemed so bizarre, so alien but somehow the Italian managed to take it all in stride. 

The end result was that it only repeated what he already knew.  His ancestors had left him some pretty big shoes to fill.  Even though he’d grown up in Lil’Assassins Daycare, Desmond knew he’d never been tested. 

Not like Altaïr. 

Not like Ezio.

A few hops in the Animus making him faint like some dainty southern belle hadn’t exactly boosted his confidence.  It didn’t help that he had no idea if the respite from the voices in his head was something that was gone for good or merely temporary.

With his luck he’d have another fit in the heat of battle.   Fuck.  Maybe they could use his body as a shield so he could at least be useful for once.

He sighed heavily.

They were in deep shit, weren’t they?


The yell of annoyance dragged his attention back to the Doctor, who was giving his weird sonic doohickey a shake as its light flickered in some weak Morse code.  “Leonardo, I told you not to disassemble this, you… Sneaky! Little-“  Any other choice words he had for the artist were lost as the Doctor trailed off, long fingers dancing over the device as he made adjustments.

“Hey, Doc.“  A pointed scowl at the diminutive made Desmond add on a hasty “-tor.”

Any further disapproval vanished as the light on the screwdriver finally shined a brilliant emerald. "There we are!"

Figuring his chances weren't going to get any better, Desmond pressed ahead. “Can we talk about something?”

"Ooo, sounds like a fun game!" the Doctor said in delight, paying little attention as he used the screwdriver on a something that looked an awful lot like a can of air freshener. “I’ll go first! Winston Churchill had atrocious taste in bowties.  Right idea!  Poor execution.”  The not-air freshener popped open to reveal a bizarrely complex mechanism packed inside.  “I’ve tried to offer him guidance but he’s quite the stubborn sort, if you can believe it.”

“Uhh, yeah.  That… wasn’t exactly what I had in mind.” 

The Doctor looked up from his task, completely failing to mask his disappointment.

This guy?  This guy was supposed to help them save the universe?

They were in deeper shit than he thought.

Desmond let out the breath he didn’t realize he was holding.  “I want to thank you for patching me up when I was all-“ His whistle was sharp and sweet, punctuated with a waggle of fingers directed at his temple.

“Actually it was the TARDIS that gave you a good scrubbing,” the Doctor said proudly, snapping the not-air freshener shut with a slap of his hand.  “The vortex is filled with artron energy and her engines thrive on it.  Your species can only process it once you’ve had certain…” The way the man suddenly refused to meet Desmond’s eyes set the small hairs on the back of his neck on end. “Modifications.”

“When she did whatever she did- can she do it again?  Just in case?  I can’t risk cracking up. Not when things might blow up in all our faces.” Desmond swallowed hard as his insecurity wormed its way to the surface.   “I… I’m the weak link here and I’ll do whatever it takes to change that.”

“You aren’t weak.”  The Doctor’s smile faded into grave sincerity.  “Far from it.  The energies you were exposed to were literally astronomical. No human would have been able to withstand it for long.”

“But Sixteen… the other subjects… From what everyone says, they didn’t react like I did-“

“Were any of them in the habit of having their ancestors pop round to visit them for a change?  The very instance of Ezio stepping into the present with one of his descendants created a massive disturbance in time.  A temporal earthquake.  The closer you got to the event, the worse it became.  Your useless machine had no way to handle that so it left you completely unprotected.”

“The Animus!” Desmond went wide eyed as he remembered the days that had lead to this new level of insanity. “It was running hot, not working right…”

“That hunk of garbage was never working right!” the Doctor said angrily.  “And if your friends don’t manage to correct it, it will never be allowed to work again!”

“So I’m not going to lose it.” The relief was palpable. 

“Nope!” The not-air freshener flew into the air as the Doctor cheerfully tossed it and caught it again.  “The only possibility of artron exposure around here will be when this little lovely generates the inharmonic that takes out all the Animii.”  The not-can managed to magically disappear into a coat pocket with a little reassuring pat, leaving no outward evidence that the pocket contained anything at all. “And the only one who will be handling it will be me.”

A dark figure dropped between them.  “We are done here,” said Ezio.  “Let us begin.”


Crossing his legs in the plush chair, Shaun attempted to feign some semblance of nonchalance with his pulse pounding in his ears. Perhaps some physical impediment would break his current desire to sprint from the room shrieking like an eight year old girl. 

Give the Templars what they want, the Doctor had said. 

Shaun should have asked him to be more specific.  Strolling through the front door of Abstergo with a ridiculously flimsy cover story, a master of the Renaissance and a brammer of a redhead was not what any sane person would have imagined to be a good plan. 

Though it should have been painstakingly obvious that sanity was a concept the Doctor was wholly unfamiliar with.

Twenty minutes.  Desmond had said they’d need twenty minutes to enter the heart of the building, get the Doctor closer to the Animii before creating a distraction to let Shaun and Amy help Leonardo crack Abstergo’s servers wide open. 

He squinted at the clock on the wall, trying to not be obvious that he could barely make out the time.  Maybe his urge to flee was worsened by the lack of his glasses.  They were tucked away, a last ditch attempt at camouflage once they were introduced to the Templar who had greeted them.

A stout figure he knew best from reports from the Assassins settled into the chair opposite him, forcing his heart into his throat.

Maybe not being able to see right now was precisely what he needed.

“Well, this is terribly exciting!”  said the fuzzy outline of Warren fucking Vidic with an oily congeniality that made Shaun’s skin crawl.   “I could hardly wait to see it when they told me!  A newly discovered da Vinci original.”

Amy tilted her head, looking completely at ease. “I’m glad you could meet with us so quickly, Doctor Vidic. Our client is eager to make a sale and thought this might be right up Abstergo’s alley.”

Dear god. 

How often had Amy gone along with the schemes of a madman to act like this was just a chance to pop round to the shop? No wonder there were so few witnesses who admitted to meeting the Doctor.  Any of them who managed to live through the ordeal would probably have refused to discuss it at the risk of dying of shame.

“I’ll admit that when the company forwarded me your email it proved…irresistible, Miss Pond.” 

Ugh.  Shaun wasn’t even the target of the boldly lecherous look Vidic gave the redhead and he still wanted to flay his skin off with a belt sander.

“I’ve always had a certain fondness for da Vinci’s work! Such brilliance!”

The historian shot a glance at Leonardo, who looked quite at home in the lion’s den.  He supposed the man had lived in a time where the literally backstabbing deals of Italian nobility were a daily occurrence so this probably was probably a refreshingly stress free change of pace.

“Then you will find what we have to offer most intriguing,” said the Italian, taking the unwitting compliment in stride.  “I can without a doubt confirm that it is done by his hand.”

“Excellent to hear, Mister…”  Vidic grasped for a name.

“Piero,” Leonardo answered smoothly.  “I have much experience with da Vinci’s works.”

“Then you won’t mind if I verify its authenticity,” the Templar said with fake civility.

Leonardo returned a polite smile. “Not at all.”

Shaun heard his cue, reaching for the briefcase at his side.  “Here you are.”  This sort of thing had never been part of his job description.  “I think you’ll find the drawing’s subject matter of particular interest.” 

 “You look familiar,” Vidic said, forehead furrowing in bushy eyebrowed scrutiny.  “Have we met before, Mister Walford?”

“That’s Wallace!” Shaun snarled at Vidic’s blurry face, having no problem pouring every bit of annoyance he’d every possessed into his words. After all, Desmond had given him plenty of practice.  “And I find that highly unlikely.”  He popped the briefcase open and slid it across the table.

“That’s… that’s a sonic screwdriver! From his eleventh incarnation!” Vidic whispered to himself, lighting up with naked greed- hopefully the first and last time Shaun would ever again in his life have to associate the name ‘Vidic’ with the word ‘naked’. 

“Magnificent!” The briefcase shut with an audible snap.  “I think I’ve seen all I need to see here.”

“Wonderful!” Amy said, batting her long lashes to take full advantage of her assets.  “Let’s discuss payment.”

A quick glance at the clock and Shaun let out a sigh of relief.  Just ten more minutes of this ridiculousness and then it would be show time.

“Let’s not. How about instead we discuss why you’re trying to sell me such an obvious fake?”




Why was nothing ever simple? 

Desmond deflected a swing easily, dancing away from the two Abstergo guards they had found.  Or more accurately had found them.  Neither of the men looked like they’d give much difficulty in a fight but-

Tasers!  Since when had the Templars gotten their hands on fucking tasers?  Couldn’t they have just used their stupid batons like they always did?

He shot a glance at Ezio who had dropped into a fighting stance.  Christ. How the fuck do you explain a taser to a man who knew precisely dick about electricity?

“Don’t get let them touch you with that!” Desmond yelled in warning.

Or at least he tried to say that. 

Tried and failed as every muscle, every nerve was on fire from the 50,000 volts coursing through the probe the guard who’d kept his distance had fired into his back. 


Good god, it was overwhelming.  It went on forever and there was nothing, absolutely nothing he could do to stop it.  Useless arms, falling on his face, muscles twitching out of his control as he flopped to the floor.

“No!” The fierce bellow from Ezio sounded more like an enraged bull as the assassin put a solid fist into the solar plexus of the guard attacking Desmond.

The Doctor pounced on the doubled over Templar, delivering a shout and some bizarre karate looking chop to the neck before he lowered the guard to the floor, unconscious.  “Ha! Been a few centuries but I’ve still got it!”

Turning, Ezio hesitated at the sight of the taser’s wires still embedded in Desmond’s back. The second guard came up behind the Italian surprisingly swiftly, too close to fire his own taser, probably hoping to get close enough to stun instead.  Desmond tried to get his mouth to move but his muscles were still not yet ready to listen to him.  

Pressing the trigger, the stocky Templar managed to tag Ezio in the shoulder.

There was a loud crack and with it a foul stench that filled the air.

A brief moment of confusion for everyone, including the unlucky Templar.

The first to regain his wits, Ezio turned on his attacker- who let out a little whimper as he tried touching the stun gun to Ezio’s chest again and again.  The device failed to make so much as a peep as the assassin grabbed the guard with one hand, lifting the man off his feet to pin the Templar to the wall by his throat.

“No killing! Promise me that or I do this on my own!”

Ezio flicked a look of irritation at the Doctor.  “As you wish.”  His free hand came up, heel of his palm smashing upwards to create an explosion of blood where the guard’s nose had previously been.  He released the incapacitated man, letting the poor bastard crumple to the floor blinded by pain.

“Not that I’m complaining-” Desmond struggled to rise, wincing as he pulled out the electrodes still buried in his back. “But what the fuck just happened?”

The Doctor leaned over the bleeding Templar. “Sorry about all this but you really should try to find another line of work!” He snagged the stun gun by the man’s side and gave it a sniff before pitching it back to the ground.

“Brilliant!”  The lanky man turned on Ezio in a fit of joy, grabbing him, pulling the startled assassin in by his ears to plant a noisy smooch to the forehead.  “You’re wearing clothes under your armour, aren’t you?” The Doctor hopped into the air in a bizarre little jig that looked like he had just been tasered himself. “You’d have to be, of course you are!” 

“For once you might wish to explain yourself in a somewhat coherent fashion,” Ezio rumbled, not bothering to hide his annoyance as he wiped his brow with distaste.

“The metal you’re wearing makes their stun guns go poof!  These guards would hardly have been expecting that.  Body armour is not precisely en vogue in this day and age, now is it?” 

“Short circuited,” Desmond mused as he divested the guard who’d attacked him of his weapons.  “And the clothes Ezio’s wearing underneath it insulated him from the shock?”

“Precisely!”  The Doctor was already looking down the next hallway.  “Now the bit where it gets tricky is making sure you don’t get hit on any squishy parts.  Keep moving! We’ve got to stay on schedule!”


Date: 2010-10-18 05:39 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] icesamzero.livejournal.com
a) yay for woop woop
b) This is well-written; articulate, colloquial (wee biggish word). The characterization is awesome for the AC side, and you do make this very accessible by the mere fact that being unfamiliar with the Doc and Mz Pond, I've got a great 'feel' for them, not to mention
b2) the plottage working with itself and blending, and even better it WORKS and
b3) the subtle touches that I love about your writing make it all come to life--the reason I do get the Doc is his flaily flail and sonical screwdriving beepy thingy and TARDIS and and
c) double yay for pant sharting guard. Taser fail.

Oh, peaches. Peaches too.

Date: 2010-10-18 02:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] alexb49.livejournal.com
thanks so much for the support. It means a lot to me.

Date: 2010-10-18 12:20 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jtptan.livejournal.com
Yaaay more of this!

I liked the doctor's mini rant about Churchill. It was such a Doctor response. Oh Desmond- ask a silly question...

Little does Shawn know that Amy was *always* a bit crazy.

Hee hee I totally called armour on the tasers :D

I'm also kind of happy we got to see Vidic. I hate him, but I like to hate him.

The picture: I'm predicting Leonardo just drew it, possibly with like, a ballpoint pen, or something, and as such it's not aged nearly so much as it should be. They should call in Neal Caffrey and really mess up the crossover.

As always I love your spot-on take on the characters, and combined with an intriguing plot I'm (also like always) anxious for more!

Date: 2010-10-18 02:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] alexb49.livejournal.com
LOL. I won't comment on the picture because it would be poor form to discuss it here.

I thought Vidic would have a boner for da Vinci particularly since he was pressured by the Borgia to work for Cesare.

Thanks so much!

Date: 2010-10-19 10:59 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ginnyvos.livejournal.com
Still loving this! :D I'm enjoying the AC characters more and more and more... ^___^

Date: 2010-10-20 12:08 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] alexb49.livejournal.com
Thanks a lot! I'm glad you like it.

More! More! More! =)

Date: 2010-11-11 05:31 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yarnaddict.livejournal.com
I've read and re-read and re-re-read and a few more re's this story from the beginning... and I'm completely desperate for the next part! It's fantastic! I love the blending of AC and DW - what a perfect crossover! And of course - Ezio/Leonardo and Desmond/Shaun, ah, my favourite pairings. =)

Re: More! More! More! =)

Date: 2010-11-11 12:50 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] alexb49.livejournal.com
I'm glad you like it! It seems to appeal to so few. I had to rewrite the next bit a bunch of times and it's almost done though I'm still fiddling with it.

Re: More! More! More! =)

Date: 2010-11-13 05:44 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yarnaddict.livejournal.com
It definitely appeals, here! =)

Re: More! More! More! =)

Date: 2010-11-13 12:36 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] alexb49.livejournal.com
The next chapter should be out either later today or tomorrow. And after that I will be dead because it f'ing killed me.


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